Tainted Love: A Memoir


Panic/Tainted Love

Panic/Tainted Love (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

Tainted Love By Kamala Brown-Sparks (blackhippiechick@rocketmail.com) Copyright ©6/5/2013 Kamala Brown-Sparks   All Rights Reserved.  This cannot be copied in whole or in part without the author’s sole express permission.

 

When the primary relationship that teaches you how to interact with the world, models how you are supposed to give and receive love, and provides the foundation for how you see yourself is tainted, it spills out into every other relationship that you have. The infection begins in small doses that you are able to manage in the beginning, but eventually it will devour your soul. Eventually you are forced to make a decision, you can either stay in that situation or you can risk the little part of your soul that hasn’t been tainted in order to find a place where you can survive.

 

My experience describes what it was like to escape a home where abuse occurred on a regular basis, how I survived, and how I found the guts to do what had to be done when it seemed like no one else was in my corner. What makes my story different, is that in my case the abuser was a cop that was respected by most of the people in our community. The problem was compounded because my mother was a caseworker for the Department of Children’s Services during the time that some of the abuse occurred, yet she set back and did nothing to protect me.

 

I’m not telling my story to hurt or bring about embarrassment, nor do I want to destroy the memory of the good things that my parents did for the community that I lived in for the majority of my child & adolescent years. They did many wonderful things, and my mother has a wonderful relationship with my older sister. However, I know that there are other adults and teenagers who are still struggling to figure out why they received abusive treatment, and I want them to know that the fault doesn’t lie within them. I know that I struggled with this for many years, but I have finally gotten to the point where I am able to look back and see all the amazing things that I achieved. I want other’s to realize that they have this same ability, and that even if their familial relationship leaves them with a negative ideal of love, it is never to late to develop a positive understanding of love.

 

 

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